Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I don't will this illness to go away

Here I am writing after a long time, and the blog is not opening! Is it a sign? Is it a sign like the foggy days in Delhi that seem to say "Go in, you have no right to be roaming about. The Earth is mine: winter rules." But since when did i start believing in signs? I know it's all my illness. All through August, I was praising winter, how gracefully it will trasform this sultry place into a dream city. But I was the first one to sneeze, cough, itch and grow weepy at the thought of amma!
Though I have been observing myself quite a bit. How I have slowed down while climbing the stairs, how I have put my generally high volume of speech down, how I eat so slowly-unlike a glutton who somehow knows her days are numbered (!). And it is quite amusing. I even laugh at myself. What was I hurrying for all this while? I could have always talked softer, walked in measured steps, ate 'lady-like.' Did it bring me any sense of achievement? May be it suited this maddening crowd that I am a part of. And once in a while it's worth it to fall sick (not seriously) and look up at the world rushing past you, like a helpless child! And bug the near and dear, and get pampered. Until the day when I find myself running up the stairs again- and feel well and thankful and happy and light that finally I can breath fully. And simply forget all these revelations and feel perplexed whether I was suffering from some kind of a Stockholm syndrome :)


jamaalee said...

After reading this post 'praising' illness, I just recalled how relaxed I felt when I was bed-ridden following a minor knee surgery few months back. Probably, I had enjoyed the period of convalescence more than you had, because I was in my native place blessed with rural virtues, while you were in your flat in the midst of the crazy hustle and bustle of Delhi. Friends, relatives, and neighbors used to visit me frequently; and some of them had brought me sweets or fruits, too! Their visits helped me ward off boredom, and filled me with joy.

The upshot: Illness often makes us feel good!

Calicutter said...

a Soviet child, are/were you?
Chuk and Gek (Чук и Гек), 1939 among other Sov. children's lit. impacted a few generations of Keralite childhood.

lazydaisy said...

you are so right, in a way, but if you have exams the rest is not going to be very helpful.Personally i feel there is a loss of enjoyment in anything and everything i do especially when afflicted with cold like now.Yep i have a cold! and its my least favorite sickness, the fact that it leaves you sick but not sick enough to excuse you from doing you duties can be downright aggravating.